ASK SASSY: Hands Off My Man!
Dear Sassy,
I have this friend, lets call him Fritz. We have plenty of history and have been very good friends, however, last Summer during my engagement party, Fritz’s wife hit on my husband. Actually she previously hit on him 2 other times. So, I mentioned how it irritated me to Fritz and at first he was very understanding but then it escalated to frustration. By the end of the conversation, he was accusing my husband of lying and basically said that I should have talked to him to get the facts instead of trusting my husband. What angers me most is, if a man is uncomfortable being hit on by a woman, people shrug it off. HOWEVER if a woman made this claim, people would back her up without thinking about it. Needless to say, we’re on a friendship “break” now, and have been for months.
Sassy, should I let bygones be bygones and put this in the past?
DOMM
(Defender of My Man)
Dear DOMM,
This is the longest ASK SASSY question we’ve ever received, and there is still a lot of information missing- such as how she hit on your man- but I will do my best.
Sassy McButterpants is many things. Self absorbed… Jaded… Booze soaked… But nevah evah let it be said that Sassy endorses violence. That said, you should have kicked this hoochie coochie slag’s ass back to whatever slimehole she crawled out of first and asked questions later. Nothing raises Sassy’s ire quite like the sorry sort of females that will break the bonds of sisterhood that bind us all and go after another girls man.
First of all, you should have never gone to Fritz about it. This is your honor as a woman we are talking about, and this stuff needs to be settled between ladies. Of COURSE he took her side and believed her, if he’s going to stay married to her and have any chance of her putting out, he has to back her up. Also, I would say that if this dishonorable young woman hit on your man she’s probably hit on others. This might not be the first time he’s got wind of her nasty ways, and he’s feeling defensive.
As for your anger over the double standard, I’m not worried about it. It’s pretty simple really: Fritz expecting you to believe him over your own husband is about as realistic as you expecting him to believe you over his trollop of a wife.
I’m trying to imagine how this could have played out better. I imagining a quiet conversation between you and this young woman, (Perhaps at Hello, Cupcake! where there wouldn’t be a scene…) You would let her know in no uncertain terms that all is well and you’re totally still couples friends- but she is to keep her nasty tentacles off your sweet, precious, innocent husband or you will mess her face up.
Again, the powers that be want me to restate that Sassy is no advocate of violence.
Girl, I know that you want to stay friends with Fritz and that Sassy’s advice may be hard to take. Don’t worry though, I think the friendship break may only be semi-permanent. I say semi permanent because:
- 50% of all marriages end in divorce, so there’s a good chance they won’t be together much longer anyways.
- I believe Fritz will eventually pick up on the fact that she’s the village bicycle, dump her, and say he’s sorry and renew your friendship.
Hopefully your friend will be returned to you naturally within the next couple years. If not, bygones. My best wishes that you and your loving man live happily ever after!
Love,
Sassy
Recommended Reading: A Smart Girls Guide to Friendship Troubles by Patti Kelley Criswell
Recommended Listening: Nasty Girl by Destiny’s Child
Got issues? Sassy will set you straight! Send a question to <txp:dtj_obfuscated_email email="asksassy@exit133.com" />
Filed under: Ask-Sassy
9 comments
O OC Housewife March 7, 2008
Sassy covered this one so well it took me a while to come up with my two cents. Perhaps “Cupcake” is a little threatened by the “plenty of history” that DOMM has with her man and this is her messed up way of showing it.
R Robin March 7, 2008
Hmm. Good point, OC. I agree that the ‘village bicycle’ aka ‘hoochie coochie slag’ with her ‘vicious’ tentacles could possibly be feeling a little jealous of Defender’s close relationship with Fritz and is showing Defender how it feels… but then again, she could just truly be a tramp. Take it up with the lady, Defender!
M Mofo from the Hood March 8, 2008
If you’re married and you’re seeking a fulfilling relationship with the opposite sex outside of your covenant then you’ve got bigger problems than Sassy can help with.
Instead of trying to find another “right” companion, try acting like the “right” companion…for your spouse.
T Tressie March 11, 2008
oh, big deal. Ho’s hit on my hubby all the time. It’s kinda funny. I just ask for Polaroids. A happy husband/wife doesn’t stray. A straying polecat/pussycat is a good thing to be rid of anyway…….oh, Yeah, and “fritz” is pretty sick of hearing how his wife is a ho-cake, and not a cupcake. Defensive is right.
The whole thing is pretty much Jerry Springer anyway….why participate in the trash/drama with a “little chat” ….NC NC.
and mofo….hard as it might be to imagine, girls can be friends with guys. without the old in and out.
M Mofo from the Hood March 11, 2008
Tressie, don’t play me like that.
R Robin March 11, 2008
Since when does our over-dramatized, instant gratification seeking pop culture avoid Jerry Springer-esque confrontations? I think that Defender, twelve of her cousins, five of her kids and three of her besties should engage Ho-cake in a food fight whilst mud wrestling. Then they can have the follow up episode a year later where Ho-cake is carrying Defender’s baby’s daddy’s brother’s child and tears will be shed all round. Non?
M Mofo from the Hood March 11, 2008
Thank you Robin. Categorize this whole mess under:
Loss of shame. Loss of reason. Loss of meaning.
R resortdude March 12, 2008
Dear DOMM,
I am with MOFO on this one.
Your man needs to man up, put on his big boy pants and deal with the situation. He should be the one telling this tramp to stop hitting on him. Especially if it happened more than once! That tells me that he may not have addressed the situation properly in the first place.
It is good that he is being honest with you and telling you what is happening. You should be honest with him and tell him your opinion as to how he should handle it.
My work here is done.
R Robin March 14, 2008
Dude, where’s the new Sassy?