ASK SASSY: Odiferous Surprises
Dear Sassy,
My younger brother is not cool. He listens to ska, dresses like a demented frat boy, and wears an abusive amount of Axe Body Spray. What should I do? Hit him until he stops?
Kevin
Dear Kevin,
No fighting, please! If you must engage in acts of violence, do so on your Wii. While big brothers and sisters everywhere may sympathize with your obvious embarrassment at having a younger brother who is a bit of a douchebag- I sense the blatant presence of something else: Jealousy.
Does this mockery of your brother’s hygiene come from a place of suspicion in regards to male grooming? This gives me an opportunity to discuss a large problem within our urban community- The Aroma of Tacoma. I’m not talking about pulp mills here, people. I’m talking about gentlemen who are too cool for showers.
I respect that our proximity to Olympia may create within our local population a desire to be less chemical, but this does not mean your armpits need to betray your preference. Sassy has stopped making out with guys she meets at Magoos entirely after a couple of unpleasant odiferous surprises upon reaching second base. On the other hand… I was dating this incredible kisser who enveloped my senses in Cool Water by Davidoff every time we embraced. Turns out he preferred the company of men.
While you don’t want to overdo it, (walking by Can’s on a Thursday Night might be enough to dry clean your lungs,) the slight waft of something musky and delicious coming from a man can be quite appealing.
To clarify, I respect that some men are more “rugged” and “natural”. Sassy loves to feel like a natural woman from time to time as well- but it’s better to smell like nothing at all than to smell like your American Apparel shirt has been soaked in a vat at a paper mill. For nature-friendly freshness Sassy recommends Tom’s of Maine and FloralActive.
So your little brother is a snappy dresser who enjoys listening to The Specials and Save Ferris in the car. I don’t think this is all that bad. Sassy’s own younger brother still shops at Abercrombie, calls girls “Fillies” and buys his cologne at Walgreens. To each his own. At least you won’t be fishing in the same pond.
Love,
Sassy
Recommended Reading: Bratty Brothers and Selfish Sisters: All about Sibling Rivalry (Elf-Help Books for Kids) by R. W. Alley
Recommended Listening: Beer by Reel Big Fish
Filed under: Ask-Sassy, General
23 comments
A altered chords August 29, 2008
The jazz trio “Bill Barnett’s Acqua Velvet jazz” always has a bottle of Acqu Velva prominently displayed on the piano during appearances.
All who attend these shows are welcome to a splash of Acqua Velva.
It’s so unhip that it is hip.
O OC Housewife September 1, 2008
Help!! I don’t know what “ska” is.
About smells….I don’t think guys understand just how sensitive women are to smells. Body odor or too much cologne can send us running to the restroom to lose our lunch.
My big brother grew up in Olympia and definitely went through the “natural” stage many years ago. It didn’t bother me much, but I’m glad he uses products now. Does anyone know if they still use the term “Greeners” in Oly?
J J. Cote September 2, 2008
A few questions: What on Earth is “ska” and what is “wii” If you’re trying to speak French, it is spelled correctly. “oui”. It means yes in the English.
As for body odors, I suggest the same for all young men. It’s called soap and water. A shower is the common method. Although some prefer a bath.
Perfumes actually were popularised by the French to mask body odor as bathing was frowned upon. Thank God for Florence Nightingale and Josef Lister.
R rick September 2, 2008
@2: Your browser likely has a little box in the upper right corner where you can ask Googles [god of the internets] for help with questions of all sorts, and especially for definitions of words. For example, one could enter the word “ska” into the Googles and it would provide 133 million opportunities for you to learn about “ska”. You could also enter “Greeners in Oly” into the Googles, and it would come back to tell you that nobody uses the term “Oly”.
@3: See @2 and replace “ska” with “wii”. Furthermore, I want to thank you for having dedicated the past three years of your life to serving in the peace corp in the remote regions of South America—which is the only plausible explanation for never having heard the term “wii”. As a side note, Googles informed me that Mr. Lister utilized the “ph” spelling of his first name.
O OC Housewife September 2, 2008
Rick @4
Dearest Rick, I use google plenty, but the reason I come to Sassy’s site is to interact with people. Sorry for trying to get a conversation going.
R rick September 2, 2008
@5
Thank you! I accept your apology. You know I’m just kidding around, right? I trust those in the 133 community are familiar with the Googles. Sometimes I just can’t contain my snarky little comments to the recesses of my snarkly little brain. Usually I reserve my critical posts for political blogs. [Sarah WTF Palin?]. My therapist(s) think my behavior of “lashing out/knocking other people down to build myself up” is some sort of low self esteem thing, or a “compensation” mechanism. I disagree [thank you Enzyte]. I think it has to do with the fact that Derek hasn’t posted my name (that’s rick with a little “r”) on the list of Gold Supporter contributors to the 133. I’m sure once he’s finished with his spending spree using my $30 contribution, he’ll get right on it. Or, after the Portland marathon. Then I’ll lighten up (a bit). Secretly I’m holding out hope that I’ll become a featured contributor like DB and Sassy. I don’t really know if that’s going to work, though. I don’t always utilize paragraphs… I lack creativity and have an aversion to deadlines. But, I do shower. Frequently. I don’t use Axe or Acqua Velva, but instead use an appropriate application of Sure unscented deodorant. So, back to Sassy’s column, I think Sassy—not unlike Steinbeck in “Of Mice and Men”—has presented larger social/geo-politcal questions in the context of individuals. “Kevin” is representative of McCain/Bush philosophies, while the “little brother” is symbolic of Iran. “Hit him until he stops” is code for a preemptive military strike to keep Iran from dabbling in nuclear proliferation, aka “listening to ska”. Sassy goes on to code speak about the need for the international community to step up and exhaust diplomatic efforts to resolve the issues prior to any sort of military response. Brilliant!
A altered chords September 2, 2008
We have not yet answered OCHWs question.
Ska is a style of music. Without using Google, I seem to recall that it was actually a precursor to Reggae.
Typically uses horns and a fast syncopated beat.
Many “new wave” bands of the 80’s adapted it to their sound. Bands like “The English Beat” and “Madness”
wii is the game that people play using a TV and handheld remotes. You can play faux: tennis, bowling, golf, baseball and boxing.
I took boxing lessons years ago and worked out at the “Westminster Boxing Club” for a few years. (OC – it is in westminster near golden west and westminster)
My 11 year old daughter devastated me in wii boxing.
She challenged me the other night tendonitis in my left shoulder forced me to decline. I went to my room quivering in fear.
B Big Jim September 2, 2008
The term greeners is still used but, only by a select few who have witnessed them in person. Oly died with the brewery… tear… Cans is extremely fragrant on Thursday. Friday kicks ass though with a cool crowd and $.25 cent PBR til midnight!!
Advice:
Never play Wii boxing with children. There is a secret short arm code that they put in to destroy adults.
Advice 2:
Tell your little bro how you feel and then take him to Round Table for the lunch buffet. Great pizza will bring any family together…
K Kristin September 3, 2008
Kick your little brother’s ass. Be sure however, to affirm his taste in Ska.
R Robin September 3, 2008
Rick @4 and Jim @8,
Obviously OC is bringing the term ‘Oly’ back from the grave. Saints be praised!
O OC Housewife September 3, 2008
Thanks R, I kind of like Oly too :) And thanks for the help with terminology everyone.
K Kristin September 4, 2008
ok, let’s cut the crap and talk about Palin tonight. Holy shit. Time to organize again. While she has a damn good speechwriter (and she is a great speaker), her base is the same: pro life, guns, drill for oil, and a posture that neglects the fact that Obama has a law degree, has survived the Chicago political machine in favor of the people. At least Obama seems sincere when he kisses his loved ones . . i.e. not the princess kiss you give to your acquaintance (or kids) – afraid of smudging your lipstick. While McCains duty is honorable, let’s not exhaust it. Her duties as mayor were responsible and her claims that an organizer of the southside are not, is ignorant. What more responsiblity is there than to serve your people especially when you do not have the voters to solicit, i.e. Obama’s work was volunteer, does not mean it is less responsible. Oh the pot is a stirring. . . . talk to me.
S Squid September 4, 2008
Kristen@12: I wouldn’t get too worked up over the GOP speechifying, they make about as many sweeping generalizations as do the Dems, which is the same amount as a freshman English major on their first term paper.
That said, I asked my one Alaskan friend about Sarah “Barracuda” Palin (gotta love the nickname) and her response was “have you ever seen Wassila?” Apparently, it is a very very small town. Nothing against small towns mind you, but I’m thinking that Brian Ebersole is currently going “Damn!”
A altered chords September 4, 2008
Recap of this thread.
1) My brother wears to much body spray.
2)Some guys smell.
3)Jazz doesn’t stink.
4) I don’t know any new abbreviations only old ones.
5) Republicans stink.
6) Democrats stink too.
I think that covers it for now.
K Kristin September 4, 2008
I was remiss in saying that I do like republicans, for what its worth. :)
O OC Housewife September 4, 2008
Whew! I’m so glad to know Obama is a good kisser AND a lawyer. Maybe he even uses nice body spray :) Definite president material going on here.
K Kristin September 5, 2008
Pleased to see you agree. Charged with the duty of appointing Supreme Court Justices and protecting my civil rights, I would choose the person with a Harvard law degree who is compassionate over the person with a BS in communications from the University of Idaho who likens herself to a pitbull.
I I'm for Change (for tacoma) September 5, 2008
Kristin @ #17 —
Lovin’ the way you think!
K Kristin September 6, 2008
Did I mention that the “earmarked” funds she claims to fight against have been given to Alaska more than any other State? Especially the “bridge project” which never came to fruition, yet the money was paid to Alaska and counted for her “balancing of the budget”. Must be nice to be padded as such and literally in bed with big oil.
I am afraid. I am completely numb at the thought that the future of our country will be at the hands of Sarah Palin. Look at her credentials. Just look.
O OC Housewife September 6, 2008
Altered at #14 thank you for the awesome recap! Helped me catch up quick. Been out of the game with budget season. 13 hour days don’t leave much time for the Sassy experience I miss so dearly.
To all the lefty, socialist posters. I am so glad the Obama the great is going to lose this election. He is already running scared…just look at the electoral map and listen to his advisors. He has already scaled back his media blitz to battleground states and with Palin in the mix I doubt he can carry Ohio….so aloha elitist…go back to writing books….or maybe a piece of legislation for a change.
Just stop and think, War Hero or Lawyer with no experience. DUH!
O OC Housewife September 6, 2008
Kevin,
Your younger brother is a dork. Sounds like someone from San Francisco rather than the great northwest. When I lived there we logged, killed deer, shot ducks and some chose to beat up wimps. It was survival of the fittest and a great place to live. thank God I still have a pair.
McCain/Palin what a ticket! Obama is done. Ohio is going republican! Check him out on O’reilley, I bet he gets pinned to the wall.
God bless America!
O OC Housewife September 6, 2008
My husband is resort dude..when he posted last night, for some reason it showed up under my name. I am mortified and I don’t have a pair.
K Kristin September 7, 2008
No harm no foul.:) We all have funky family dynamics. I think it is cute that you and your husband were up late at night bloggin’ it on 133. Afterall, look at me, my dad flew the Ohio state flag after the last election. My daughter who is 6 informed me she is voting for McCain, after I paid good money for her to hear Obama speak and shake his hand. She says, “Pa and Granny and Bestemor and Grandaddy are voting for McCain. You and Dad are voting for Obama. Look at the numbers.” I take in stride, and say, you can vote for whomever you want (to my daughter), just make sure you have good reason (fully knowing she is only six – i.e. we do not talk issues with her, at least I do not, she is too young). My point is, whether one is acadamia or decorated soldier, I know we all agree that we are fighting for the same principle, to be free to express our opinion in healthy debate. I like it that I can come to the family table and talk politics, and I like it that I can come to 133 and do the same.
Then I told my daughter, “I am voting for Obama” She replied, “I can not vote for Obama AND Rossi.”
I said it before and I will say it again, “Holy shit.” :)