ASK SASSY: Reunion Dilemma
Dear Sassy,
My 10 year high school reunion is coming up. While high school wasn’t as awful for me as for some, it was no picnic. There are people I’d like to see again, although there are people I don’t ever want to see again. Also, I haven’t achieved everything I wanted to in the past decade.
Should I stay or should I go?
Kelly
Dear Kelly,
Ah the class reunion… Sassy loves how everyone always pretends the Class Reunion is for getting together and feeling nostalgic about the “good times” and seeing “old friends”. Let’s just tell it like it is, people! Whether you’re a high falutin’ Charles Wright Alum, or a proud Stadium Tiger who still wears their class ring, chances are you fall into one of these categories:
A Category- Annoying Achievers (5% of High School Populace)
Comprised of people who earn and spend a lot of money, people who’ve achieved some level of local or national celebrity (Teddy’s the weatherman, now!), and of course people who’ve accomplished the extremely easy to accomplish task of reproducing yet behave as though they have invented fire.
You’ve accomplished SO MUCH since high school! It’s SO EXCITING! You went to an important college and got an important job and you know so many important people and things are SO GREAT for you! You just can’t wait to go to the reunion and let everyone see how GREAT you are. Look! You made a BABY! You live in the Stadium District! For you, Achiever, it’s exciting to see how much better off you are than everyone else.
B Category- Insecure Pretenders (70% of High School Populace)
In this category we place all the nerds, geeks, ugly girls, introverts, unsuccessful athletes, former and current drug addicts, and anyone who was bullied.
You’re going to do what it takes to look hot, be funny, strong, rich, or whatever it takes to show those jerks from High School that you aren’t that geek anymore. Bespoke suit from Franco the Tailor? Check! Rented Ferrari? Check! Fake girlfriend? Double Check. For you, it’s all about settling scores, even if they’re in your own mind.
C Category- Detached Spectators (The remaining 25%)
This group is made up of both A & B qualified people.
The C’s are a mix of groups A and B. Instead of going to the reunion with a score to settle, they are happy and well adjusted in “grown up” life. They are going to the reunion to reconnect with old friends and maybe watch the wildlife a little. This is the person we all want to believe we are.
Kelly, the only way to have fun at these things is to be happy with who you are. Don’t be so hard on yourself about where you are- you’re in your twenties! For Sassy, one’s twenties should be devoted to traveling, making mistakes and learning from them, and getting your first husband out of the way. If Sassy was exactly where her 18 year old self planned for her to be, she’d be an Astronaut right now! Let’s face it- we’d all be Astronauts.
Sassy’s advice? Go. Have fun. Go easy on your peers and go easy on yourself. And, if you can, make out with that gym teacher who was always so hot. Make out with him for all of us.
Love,
Sassy
Recommended Reading: The Inner Child Workbook: What to do with your past when it just won’t go away by Cathryn Taylor
Recommended Listening: Baba O’Reilly by The Who
Got issues? Sassy will set you straight! Send a question to <txp:dtj_obfuscated_email email="asksassy@exit133.com" />
Filed under: Ask-Sassy
12 comments
J jamie from thriceallamerican March 28, 2008
I thought the reason we went to our 10 year reunions was to see who’s really f*ck*d up their lives since high school. Am I mistaken?
My 10 year was at the Vault, which was sorta weird in that it’s really nowhere near my suburban Kent High School, but less than a block from where I work, and as such I am known to pick up the occasional slice of pizza there at lunchtime. Odd mix of worlds… It wasn’t awesome, but I ran into some old friends, and indeed it was fascinating/amusing to see who hadn’t matured at all in 10 years.
Anyway, I say definitely go, and approach it as a spectator sport. Too bad these things always cost so bloody much…
L Lisa March 28, 2008
It’s a freakin’ waste of money—I say go buy yourself a new pair of shoes instead.
I blindly bought a ticket to my reunion without considering the possibility that none of the people I was hoping to see would be there—and they weren’t. I ran into two people who I considered to be friends in high school, just two!
Don’t get me wrong, it was great to see those two, but it wouldn’t have been terribly hard to track each other down WITHOUT shelling out $80.
For mac ‘n cheese. Mac ‘n cheese at the Vault!
D Daniel Blue March 29, 2008
everyone i wanted to see dropped out, so we (with the exception of mike manville, cause he got hit by a drunk driver in denver) had our own reunion at the acme grub cage. it was free and the food prevents hangovers.
L Laurie across the street March 29, 2008
If your class is doing the multiple day deal, go to the casual get together for free on Friday (everyone you want to see will be there anyway) and skip the big formal thing on Saturday and picnic or whatever on Sunday. Hey Sassy! Are Stadium grads considered the opposite of the spectrum from high falutin’ Charles Wright grads?
Stadium, class of ’83 (yikes! That means my 25th should be this summer?)
M Mofo from the Hood March 30, 2008
There’s an important subcategory to A. It makes the distinction between those who have ATTAINED a measure of stability and those who have OBTAINED it.
We’ve all crossed paths with the spoiled heir. That’s the occasional dim bulb who inherited his position and place in the world. He or she just can’t understand other’s “lack of initiative.” He or she inherited their first business, millions, private island, etc. by the age of 25.
T tom waits March 30, 2008
i went to my 10 year and had a lot of fun. high school wasn’t great for me, but wasn’t so bad either, and i didn’t feel like i had anything to prove. we got very drunk and all had a grand old time. but my high school class was not typical—small class, small school, we all sort of liked one another anyway. we went to my wife’s reunion the next year and it totally sucked—huge school, big class, clique hell with all the usual suspects.
however, i do think when you are married, it is easier to deal with this sort of social weirdness, because you are very much over trying to live up to your friends’ expectations (instead, you now are focused on your spouse’s expectations). for instance, my wife already knows i am a total dork, so why try to impress anyone else?
it is also true that if i had not gone to the reunion, i would have missed out on the best schadenfreude fix i’ll probably ever get in one dose.
A altered chords April 1, 2008
10 year reunion is too soon. Don’t waste your time.
Wait for the 25 year or the 50 year reunions
O OC Housewife April 1, 2008
I agree with altered chords, the 10 year reunion seems too soon. But here’s my story. I blew off my 10 year reunion and missed my 20 year because of proximity and schedule conflict. And I think I would have enjoyed the 20, but it would have been too much of a hassle to be worth making it. So maybe go to your 10 just because you can and leave early if it’s a bust.
R Robin April 1, 2008
Dear Kelly,
There are a two ways to ensure a decent high shcool reunion:
A) A great dress
B) Very low expectations.
T Tim Farrell April 1, 2008
I guess I am going, June 21st this year in LA, because I am morbidly curious. Most of the folks who I went to school with stuck around the San Fernando Valley, so I have a good idea in advance of who will be present. We’ve been shooting e-mails back and forth for the past month now, and I think I have talked with these folks more now than I ever did when I was going to school there.
Fascinating.
I agree with the last post: dress well, low expectations. I get to see my dad and sister anyhow, so I win either way.
I’ll post back somewhere with a report. I don’t drink – so there will be pictures :D
T tressie April 2, 2008
I live vicariously thru you High School Grads…..I dropped out. Ha. At first I thought my oldest daughter wrote that letter, but then I realized she’s attending her 20th at Stay-Dumb this summer. Golly, my kids are getting sooooo old. I have no advice, but I say, any party is fun if, like Robin notes, you’re in a really great dress, & you have low expectations.(and alcohol)
K Kristin April 2, 2008
Summer past was my 20th (Stadium High School). I attended my 10th. Both reunions proved warm and inspiring. Never had the competitive spirit to talk badly about people who have aspired (and never felt that my classmates at Stadium had ever stooped to judge). Always felt inspiration from great stories: our girl friend, who is a man now, and married to a woman from Kansas (he brought her to the reunion as his wife). . . talk about comfortablness in who you have become, my classmate who is from the Puyallup Tribe now on the Tribal Council working with my other classmate who works for the City of Tacoma in relations and aspirations to compliment the Tribe and the City, our class president who is a conductor in Vermont for a youth symphony and who has been highlighed by NPR – a great speaker at our reunion, stating that “now at our age we are all comfortable in our own skin. . . “. Stadium was a testament to this. All accepting, all inclusive and brilliant in academics and the arts. The most interesting change (at the reunion) was the remodel of Stadium which included an AUXILLARY GYM – yep, TWO Gyms side by side, “for the visiting team to warm up before a game” as the vice principal informed me. Wow. Fun and fantastic to see everyone, heartwarming and treasured. You can choose to make it worthwhile and take the time to meet your classmates again. My advice: go as a friend (to your friends and acquaintances with whom you shared your years) and as a sort of history journalist . . to gather information and make note of it. Its very exciting to learn about eachother, from whence we came to where we are (dreams included). I guarantee you will be warmed by the past if you have an open heart. :)