ASK SASSY: The Color of Money
Dear Sassy,
I know this isn’t your regular beat, I’m wondering about sustainable portfolio strategies for my 401k. Is it better to weight my portfolio toward local companies like Boeing and Amazon and Starbucks? Or should I make sure I’m invested in green companies? What do you think — invest locally or invest green?
Sincerely,
The Curious Investor
Dear Curious,
It’s so sweet that you thought of me for this very grown up and important question, even though asking Sassy McButterpants for advice for on creating a balanced investment portfolio is like asking the Pope the best way to pick up chicks. That said, I’m more than happy to share my smartness with you in any way I can.
Believe it or not, Sassy has an interest in 401k’s and investments. That’s because Sassy knows that she has no choice. Let’s face it, everyone loves old people or whatever, but by the time debt-ridden baby boomer generation finally finishes popping off they will have sucked dry our entire social security system and ravaged and pillaged health care to boot. And people ask why I drink so much!
Now, I know because of Al Gore and Sting and Angelina Jolie, that everyone is totally into the green thing these days, and that’s fine. Sassy is all for saving energy- turn off the lights, don’t drink bottled water, walk to work, turn your underoos inside out to increase their viability for one extra day per pair… Whatever your strategy, we should all be doing our part to delay the inevitable annihilation of mankind as long as possible.
Mr. Curious, Sassy is concerned that your interest in “Green” or “Local” companies is less about getting a good return and more about bragging later at a cocktail party. To make the big bucks, invest in things you understand- not in things that are sexy. Like, just how much debt does this sexy local company actually have and what is their price to earnings ratio?
Sassy Tip: Incidentally, this is also an excellent technique to use when selecting a spouse!
If you can’t be bothered to educate yourself about individual companies, Sassy would be happy to do research on investing someone else’s money. Or just take 10 seconds and Google “Sustainable Investing”. There’s stuff all over the internets.
Not to leave out my core demographic- for those of us who smoke, drink, shave our legs, and enjoy profiting on the backs of the poor and downtrodden there are Vice Funds.
Good luck, Curious Investor.
Love,
Sassy
Recommended Reading: Beating the Street by Peter Lynch
Recommended Listening: Money Money Money by Abba
Got issues? Sassy will set you straight! Send a question to <txp:dtj_obfuscated_email email="asksassy@exit133.com" />
Filed under: Ask-Sassy
21 comments
S southsounder April 19, 2008
old warren sounds alot like a dirty no good hipicrit
K Kristin April 19, 2008
Ms. Sassy McButterbants says it best. Smart on the dollar, calling it as she sees it, smoke and mirrors for “cockatail party” rhetoric. We all know that investing our dollars depends upon return. Check out Corporate Recycling Services. Not a public company, but one who reduces waste by 50% at least: clients include: Port of Tacoma, Franciscan Healthcare, Hotel Murano, the old Four Seasons in Seattle. My dad and brother run the company. They divert waste from the landfill, make profits (from the savings) by relocating waste: i.e. compost to farmers, coffee grounds to agriculture, cardboxes to Weyerhauser. Entities need eachother’s waste, its a matter of re-routing waste and management. Quite lucrative. Something to keep your eye on. Management of waste. Waste is valuable, if recycled. Companies pay for it: cardboard, compost, carbon fiber, the packing material used to package all the Hyundais from the Port: compared to the dumping costs in the landfill – not to mention the environmental toll. Its astronomical to dump all that waste (say 10 million for the Port). Its a win win for everyone. Glory days. Think recycle, think redistribution.
T tressie April 21, 2008
but by the time debt-ridden baby boomer generation finally finishes popping off they will have sucked dry our entire social security system and ravaged and pillaged health care to boot. And people ask why I drink so much!
<——— HEY ! I resemble that. I got debt-ridden spending all my hard earned cash buying You your nasty underoos, you young whippersnappers! All those dance lessons, day camp, T-ball games, visits to the zoo, Science Center, buying your crappy Girl Scout uniforms and cookies has put me in the poor house! Dang straight I’m collecting my SS at 62!
As far as investing, I’m a savings and loan kinda mom, and Sustainable Investing IS THE ONLY way to go.
And thanks, Sassy, for repeating one of my many mantras……The Rich Will Do Anything For the Poor Except Get Off Their Back.
A altered chords April 21, 2008
Curious: Walk your millions over to Russell and tell them to select a money manager that will put your money into stocks of companies that are both local and green.
Tell them that you came to them because you like to “go with local companies” and if they move, you’ll yank your money.
R Robin April 21, 2008
Hmmm…turning your under-roos inside out for another day of use and potentially cutting down on laundry water usage? Genius, Sassy! I am going to start that, effective today. To all my friends that are reading this, I am going to be safely non-offensive to the olfactory senses only every other day.
O OC Housewife April 21, 2008
I think the inside out idea is great too Robin, but how would that work for people who wear thongs rather than underoos?
I think land is a great way to invest safely. It’s tangible so it won’t disappear on a bad day on Wall Street. And you can pitch a tent and live on a piece of land if you run into hard times.
A altered chords April 22, 2008
OC’s on to something. If you buy local land and plant trees on it, it’s both local and green.
R Robin April 22, 2008
Hey OC,
When hard times hit can I share a sqaure foot in your tent if I promise to put on clean under-roos every day?
O OC Housewife April 22, 2008
Hey Robin,
You can totally come boogie in our tent! But it would be BYOB (bring your own batteries) for the music because there might not be a power source.
R Resortdude April 27, 2008
Dang Tressie sounds like you have some issues you need to work out with your daughter. I sense some pent up anger.
Of course, you made you own bed being a “savings and loan sustainable investing kinda lady”. All that happy horse crap is fine if you don’t mind pitiful returns and look forward to the government taking care of you when you want to retire.
I don’t mind funding your poor choices to a point because I am obligated to take care of my elders. Even the ones like you.
I on the other hand go for a balanced portfolio so I can maximize returns.
Sure you can throw a few bucks at something that makes you feel good but come on…putting your retirement money in a savings and loan…is that the best you can muster up? You might as well put it in your mattress and flush 1-2% of it down the toilet every year!
As far as the under-roos goes, I have you all beat. I don’t wear underwear. Give it a shot, it feels good and it is green!
S southsounder April 27, 2008
a balanced portfolio DOES NOT MAXIMIZE YOUR RETURN !!!!! it is a heldge against an unballanced market and thats it! in a “balanced” portfolio you are assuring yourself of mediocricy. A well planned portfolio ,how ever, is designed to make money in a given time period not just not lose money. Half measures avail nothing. Resortdude would do well to revisit sassy’s reading suggestions and perhaps not judge others for their honest coments.
I happen to beleive that the use of money to help your family, friends, and comunity at large is the best use it can be put to. But if anybody wants an inside track on a sparp investment here it is…. one word…“plasic” ;-)
S southsounder April 27, 2008
P.S. sorry bout the typo’s everybody but my assistant refuses to dictate my rants.. something about holding on to their last shread of self-respect …
T tressie April 27, 2008
wow…Resortdude….Capitalist much? I’d suggest a Humor Implant. Savings and Loan is all about local community. Gee didn’t someone just win the Nobel for that exact micro-idea???
You may contact my children at any time….and ask them…about me. Well, yes I did actually raise my own children and I’m darn glad. I didn’t dump them in mediocre schools and daycare…I actually raised them. So, by my calculations, since I did that work for you, and none of them are drug addicts, criminals, bank robbers, MBA holders, or other assorted social problems that are subsidized by taxpayers…They are all married with children, and gainfully employed in…social work, conservation, recycling.
You Do Owe Me Big Time. I’ll take a Million per child, thank you. I had 3. Oh, I won’t even bill you for the decades of Volunteer work I did/do.
A altered chords April 27, 2008
MBA holders are one of an assortment of social problems that are subsidized by the taxpayer?
What the heck is that nonsense?
No, I’m not personally insulted. I’m not an MBA. I find that statement rediculous.
O OC Housewife April 29, 2008
Southsounder,
It’s not so much your spelling that trips me up but sometimes I am mystified at what your point is :)
A altered chords April 29, 2008
OC: Southsounder was responding to ResortDude who asserted that he/she gleans superior returns on investment by balancing the portfolio.
Southsounder’s point is that “balance” assures mediocrity, not supperiority.
Look at it this way. If I had 100,000,000 to invest right now. I reseach which stocks are in the Russell 3000 index. I buy each of the 3000 stocks in the exact proportion that they comprise the Russell 3000 index. That’s a portfolio that is perfectly balanced (at least over 1 asset class – stocks).
Now I sit back and judge the performance of my portfolio. I need something to benchmark my portfolio return against. If I do not use anything to bechmark against how do I know if my returns are “superior”
I know, I’ll benchmark against the Russell 3000 index.
Lo and behold, my returns are identical to the bechmark. They are “mediocre” returns. But I had a balanced portfolio!
No, superior returns are only accomplished by deviating somewhat from “perfectly balanced” In other words, by “overweighting” in sectors that you think will outperform.
Suggested reading: Wall Street Journal. Once daily for 1 year.
T tressie April 29, 2008
#15…..the larger the income the larger the Carbon Footprint….and who pays that price? for environmental degradation and resource depletion? uummm, could it be taxpayers?
and once again, Humor, people, Humor.
And there are other “investments” besides making money off the poor. One could invest time/money in worthwhile social needs that need your time/money since govt. can’t/shouldn’t do it all.
I mean…What’s An Economy For?
Sit and discuss, and turn in your 500 word e-essay by May 5.
R Robin April 29, 2008
The larger the income, the larger the carbon footprint? Maybe I’m wrong, but isin’t that a gross generalization?
R Resortdude April 30, 2008
Hello fans,
Sorry for my delay in posting! I ran into a little trouble while cruising in my Hummer and listening to talk radio. Michael Savage was talking about how Jeremiah Wright was ruining Obama’s campaign and I shouted with glee…In fact I was laughing so hard I did not see the hybrid in front of me and I ran right over the top of the piece of junk.
Can you believe they let those things on the road. They should be outlawed! How in the world is someone supposed to get the heck out of my way when they are driving a vehicle that has less horsepower than my lawnmower!
Anyway, I digress. I am in a good mood because my big oil stocks are killing it. You gotta love $4.00 gas it is making my balanced portfolio happy.
Tressie – don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate the fact that you did not raise gang bangers or crack addicts. Prison is expensive and trust me, I already pay plenty in taxes.
I actually agree with all your statements about raising kids. My family is doing all the same stuff…only difference is I don’t think anyone owes me anything for it. Just doing my job…table stakes when you have a child.
Altered and Southsounder…thanks for your education on money management.
Brilliant!
Sorry I did not specify but my balanced portfolio is 90% invested in high risk asset classes (except the land but I bought that a long time ago). The reason I am diversified in high risk is I don’t need the money for 20 years. I would not recommend my portfolio for someone closer to retirement….but I have time to survive the ups and downs. Of course, I could follow the Tressie investment model, cash it all in and throw it in a savings and loan. Then I would really be cooking….
Oh by the way this whole post was dictated to my admin assistant (I made her type this part) so let me know if she misspelled anything and I will fire her. She is illegal anyway.
Lastly, those MBA’s you loathe most likely pay more in taxes than your gross income. you should be happy they are out there. They are paying your retirement!
Until next time. God Bless America.
M Mofo from the Hood April 30, 2008
Am I the only one who invests 300 bucks a week in lottery tickets?
R Robin May 1, 2008
Hey Sass!
Put down the martinis (it’s only 10 a.m. for Pete’s sake) and give us our next Sassy fix!
Your Devoted Fan,
Robin