Caucus Fever Strikes Tacoma!

Tacoma’s been hit by an outbreak of Caucus Fever (clinically diagnosed as the streptocaucus virus). Caucus Fever usually strikes Washington every four years or so, but doctors believe this year the virus will be more resilient than ever.

Usually caucus fever dissipates with strong doses of political apathy, but state health monitors believe the virus will be more contagious than normal.

Governor Chris Gregoire indicated she has been vigilantly watching for signs that Caucus Fever was nearing our state. She became alarmed when our neighboring state, Idaho, was swept with the virus on Tuesday.

In preparation for an outbreak, local doctors have taken the dramatic step of converting schools and libraries into makeshift treatment centers that will be open by Saturday. These “Caucus Sites” will have staff on hand to sort patients by the strain of virus they are carrying (Clintonitis, Obamumps, McCain Pains, Huckameasles). The number of patients with each strain of the virus will be tallied and reported to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) where they will compare our figures with those of other states.

Possible Symptoms of Caucus Fever include:

• Sitting in coffee shops looking up “superdelegates”
• Getting into political debates with people you never would have before, like your boss or your grandmother
• Using phrases like “Yes, we can,” or “the Straight Talk Express” in a sentence
• Reading newspapers other than The News Tribune
• Calling yourself a Hillraiser
• Constantly comparing real life to the last season of The West Wing

• Suddenly believing that Washington will “matter”

Treatment

Like many viruses, medical experts suggest letting the virus run its course. By Sunday, any inflammation you’ve experienced should have subsided. Take the next week easy and relax knowing that it’s going to be another four years before we’re struck again.

Disclaimer: We may occasionally stretch the truth or make things up on Fridays… but only when there’s a disclaimer. Everything else is absolutely true. Trust us.