DB: Estrogen Spirit

Usually I don’t like sporting events. I haven’t been to a Mariners game in ten years, and I know enough about football and basketball from the television to know I never need to go and see the real thing. All I can think about is how unreal it is, how massive and ugly of an industry it is, how an infinite number of commercial messages are being sent to my psyche at an immeasurable rate and how bad I was at sports in high school. Like that one time when that one guy pulled my sweats down while I was going for a jump shot I was going to miss anyway. Of course it had to be the day my sister decided to throw her new hot-pink towels in on top of the whites load, earning me the school wide nickname “hot-crotch”. Jocks are so clever.

However I have discovered a sporting event that I will probably attend again and again.

Rachel Moreshead, a member of my Tacoma family and owner of the Blackwater Café has recently been accepted to the Femme Fiannas, one of four teams that belong to the Dockyard Derby Dames: Tacoma’s own all-girl Roller Derby Club. This last Saturday I went to the indoor soccer center to watch Rachel skate and found Tacoma’s new pastime.

The soccer center had been taken over by some sort of rock demon. There was an extremely loud band playing in the corner when we walked in and even though the match didn’t start till seven, there was little to no seating around the temporary rink. We stood around for a bit and waited for the match to start, and I ran into all sorts of folks I know. (Why has everyone been hiding this from me?) Then the girls came out, all four teams at once, to warm up before the bout. One part glam-rock, one part cheerleader, one part Mike Tyson, and three parts razor blade up your sleeves, this was a mess of the most spectacular display of feminine prowess I have seen since I watched Barbarella Queen of The Galaxy when I was seven. I think the trick is to get there at six when the doors open, bring a lawn chair and set it up rink side. Chances are someone will get slide tackled into your lap. WOOT!

The rules were a little hard to understand at first, and the sound system pretty much made the announcer unintelligible. I found that if you keep your eye on the refs the game becomes a lot easier to understand. More than usually he is signaling the most recent score and the play. Its complicated, but I think this sport was born out of inner city roller rinks and the competitive nature of pack bred rolling makeup application.

Maria and I went up to the beer garden to see the match from the second story, and as if it couldn’t get any better, they had ONE DOLLAR MILLER HIGHLIFE TALL BOYS. You have to understand, I dislike cheap beer as much as I dislike the H3, but a DOLLAR?! That’s not cheap, that’s practically free, and somehow in the midst of all the girl on girl violence and yelling and smell of hot dogs, I finally realized why they call it the champagne of beers. I yelled obscenities when the other team scored, I said things like “YOU GO GIRL!”, I jumped up and down and gasped when bodies went spilling across the floor and into the crowd. I was possessed by some sort of estrogen spirit. It was awesome and I want more.

Once again Tacoma cuts through my surface judgments and preconceived notions to reveal how fun it is to get together and be our rowdy selves. I love this town and all of you in it.

These girls are hard. I mean like Sassy McButterpants hard. She should skate for the Hell Bound Home wreckers, but mostly because I think she would look great in high striped stockings, and skates make you look taller. Oh goodness, I’m still feisty, nothing personal Sassy. Luckily, I have a month to cool off before the next event.

Details on the next Bout
Tickets are $10 from Rachel or one of the other skaters, $12 at the door.

BOUT 3 Saturday June 14
The Soccer Center 2610 Bay St E Tacoma, WA 98421
Visit them on the web at www.dockyardderbydames.com

Photos by Shawn McManus