DB: Gila Monsters
On this particularly sunny past Saturday, my friend and I walked off the edge of gentry and into a strange and wonderful jungle. Tacoma, as you may or may not know, has a few fingers of heavily vegetated ravine that run from sea level up to some of the higher elevated points of our peninsular geography. Some of them have neatly manicured foot trails to enjoy, this one did not.
The topmost (accessible) part of this particularly large green magical valley starts somewhere near Magoo’s Annex (N. 21st and Oakes) and seemed fairly well trafficked judging by the high volume of foot prints dug into in the soft dusty steep on the way to the garbage pile at the bottom. A couch and a strangely high number of cheap office chairs seemed fumbly arranged around a pit of still smoldering charcoal. Some bicycles and a few kitchen garbage bags worth of trash all seemed to have been accidentally dropped off of the bridge. People are so clumsy.
An inviting “trail” led east-ish off into the dense vegetation. Sam and I felt it was our duty as men and Tacomen, to discover what lay in the reaches of this strange and wonderful pit. And I will tell you. OIL! BLACK GOLD! Sam and I have discovered crude oil, bubbling op out of the very ground. Man oh man! Tacoma is going to be so famous, there’s probably more oil under the Puget Sound than anywhere else in the world. Just think about it! I’m just surprised how much crude oil smells like human poop, but there it was, all slick and greasy and black as the sin of babylon.
It took us about four hours to reach the end of the ravine, what with all the bogs and brambles and gila monsters. We popped out right behind the Slovenian Hall in Old Town, and walked to The Spar for a drink.
If anyone is interested I suggest we make a ravine crawl. We can start at Magoo’s and get real swashbuckley (believe me you will need to bring out your inner treasure hunter here). Then I will give you a tour of the future pump sites and we can celebrate the end of the war for oil at The Spar. Oh, and you will need bulletproof boots, and spears, and MRE’s in case someone looses a leg to the gila monsters and we have to stay the night till the chopper comes.
Filed under: DB
7 comments
R RR Anderson April 16, 2008
is the gila monster a metaphor of a sort not spoken of in family newspapers?
T tom bishop April 17, 2008
The “oil” you have discovered is probably just run off from the streets and three car garages surrounding the ravine.
Also, it smells like poop because you were walking through poop. Artists are so clumsy.
K Kristin April 18, 2008
It smells like poop because anytime you are in the woods with humidity and rain, well the slugs and worms and nature’s scent comes through. Similar to when boys come home from playing outside allday and have that “smell”, its “life”, ecological and human sweat. Sad that we are so distant from that. So clean and showered. I am grateful I grew up exploring nature. Thanks for doing the same and I look forward to exploring the gulches again, as an adult, on a crawl, with perhaps a beer and frivolity in reaching adolescence again. :)
K Kristin April 18, 2008
and the . . . oil . . . let us keep that a secret. For we are on the cusp of discovering alternative energy resources. . . albeit historical,i.e. biking, walking, mass transit. . . horses, buggies, skateboards, rollerskates . . . Meaning, let us save the oil for our midnight lamps, for . . . lubrication of the blades that will till our soil. For making the saddles on our horses SHINE. Who needs $750 million in oil to pave Tacoma potholes. Not I. No Sir. I can travel from point A to point B rather optimisticly without the black gold. Hmmm. . . to dream. Thank you Mr. Daniel Blue. :)
J Jessica Pritchard April 18, 2008
My guess is that if it smells like poop, its probably poop. eeeww…
in his picture, daniel does not look like the kind of guy who goes and rolls around in slug poop or whatever.
I’m just saying. i think he made it up, just cause he knows no one will go down there to disprove it.
On the other hand, if you look at his myspace,
www.myspace.com/skyunicorn,
there are pictures of him walking around in the woods in that capitan coat with the vampire collar. i guess thats hot, being woodsy in an animalistic sort of way. Just as long as he doesn’t start shopping at R.E.I.
M Mofo from the Hood April 19, 2008
Other readers of this story also recommend the movie “Deliverance” starring Burt Reynolds.
K Katie Bates April 19, 2008
Are any of those paths stroller accessible? Anyone know of some foot paths that a baby jogger could handle?
I want to smell poop and find oil, too.