DB: Something Completely Different
Now that the 2008 elections are over, it may seem that there is little to get revved up about or hope for concerning the powers that govern our very lives. This is not entirely true. In our local campaigns there are some um … halfway interesting races shaping up that may or may not meet your new-found need for desperate hope and the feeling of winning the world.
Here in Tacoma we are faced with only partially exciting choices for our city government. Minority Women against White Businessmen. Boooooring. With Obama in the White House, one would really think we could produce some far more risky scenarios, but as it stands … the LID is on the jar, as it were.
Where is the gut wrenching hope? Where is the promise of real change? Where is the flash and Bill Clinton playing the saxophone on MTV? Where are the mobs of people ready to riot if the voters do not succumb to their desire for revolution? I think our current mayor Bill Baarsma would agree with John Cleese in the politically radical statement, “…and now for something completely different.”
However, in the current Mayoral race (as it stands) we have the fresh faced current City Council member Marilyn Strickland versus long time architect and proponent for the revitalization of downtown, Jim Merritt.
I think we can do better. Cutting to the chase, I want a gay mayor. Not to discourage the current candidates or offend my friends who are running, I just think our gritty could use a little glitter. And so, my homosexual brothers and sisters, I am calling you out … not only of the closet, and the Mix, but into the races. Here are my top ten reasons why we need a slightly more saucy mayoral candidate.
Ten: Theater is so hot right now.
Nine: Tacoma is stuck in the 90’s anyway.
Eight: I like the city slogan, “Tacoma, We’re all GAY!”
Seven: Sean Penn might move here.
Six: Cultural growth starts with a nightlife.
Five: It might even lure Marty out of the closet … Cutie.
Four: The possible cross-cultural tourist attraction of the Le’gay Car Museum.
Three: The old Elks has a Turkish bath in the basement.
Two: The arts. The Arts. THE ARTS.
And my number one reason for wanting a Gay Mayor: Benji Bittle. Come on man, just do it.
Filed under: DB
30 comments
R RR Anderson April 9, 2009
I nominate Mofo from the Hood.
M Mofo from the Hood April 9, 2009
Thank you Mr. Anderson; and that statement explains why you’re the Cartoon Fist of Applied Science.
Look, here’s why I can’t fulfill Mr. Blue’s fantasy. When I watch the movie “Deliverance” and the scene where the Mountain Man is sodomizing the City Guy–I think to myself, “I would’ve gutted out that c%#*g Mountain Man with my Buck Knife for just lookin’ crosseyed.” When Mr. Blue watches that scene he’s thinkin’, “I wanna take that Mountain Man home and cook him dinner and propose to him.”
S Sassy McButterpants April 9, 2009
While the idea of a Mayoral Kickoff at the Mix is tempting, I suspect the gays are far too busy being awesome to run for mayor right now.
R RR Anderson April 9, 2009
what about lesbians? Why are gays always stereotyped as men? As a fan of lesbian videos on the internet I will wholeheartedly endorse the first lesbian mayor!
J jamie from thriceallamerican April 9, 2009
Well, this got messy fast…
D David Koch April 9, 2009
Oh Mofo. Why are you implying that gays are like pedophiles, rapists, etc? Do you seriously find someone who is attracted to other adults with whom they have consensual relationships as morally offensive as rapists or pedophiles? MOFO:“I would’ve gutted out that c%#*g Mountain Man with my Buck Knife for just lookin’ crosseyed.” So just for being gay you would have gutted the guy? Of course you’d fight back if he was RAPING YOU but that’s not what you say. I usually enjoy what you have to say, even if I don’t agree with you, but both of your comments were intensely offensive.
M Mofo from the Hood April 9, 2009
Mr. Koch:
Don’t ask the readers to make your argument. What is your point and what is the basis or standard that you are appealing to?
J jamie from thriceallamerican April 9, 2009
Let me get this right, MFTH…
First you imply that gay men are all backwoods rapists, and go on to slander Daniel by implying that he would enjoy being on the receiving end of said rape. And then, when someone calls you on it, you act like he’s speaking Latin or something.
David doesn’t need anyone to “make his argument” for him, I think you dug that hole yourself on this one.
M Mofo from the Hood April 9, 2009
If I “thought” something that you folks find offensive or wrong, then are you saying that there is a right way to think?
I’m asking once again, what is the standard, the moral law that you’re appealing to?
How do you all distinguish between right and wrong?
(For the record, I view this arena as a safe place to exchange ideas. I have nothing against any other writer (or people in general). Especially Mr. Anderson, who is one of my favorite commentators and antagonists from way back. He calls me a scientific curiosity and I scratch my head and think the same of him.)
R RR Anderson April 10, 2009
I’ll tell you what works for me. I am 100% free market capitalist. I believe in letting the market decide what is right and what is wrong. By including people of all the colors of the rainbow you increase your potential market share and thus I side with the forces of enlightened free thought, defenders of science and champions of reason.
What you’re seeing in the world right now is a sick system over run by crooks and vermin running full steam off a waterfall into the abyss.
The Market shall crush all her enemies in the end.
Mofo from the Hood is nothing more than a media virus operating on obsolete thought programming. In the end the free market will deliver him.
In the future we will review his memes with nostalgia… perhaps a copy will be kept in the digital curio cabinet at the Washington state history museum.
for example:
Please excuse me now, as I have a long night of lesbian candidates to vet on the interweb.
T Thorax O'Tool April 10, 2009
Why are we arguing this?
I thought the Gays wanted to be treated as equal and fairly as everyone else. Then is wanting someone as mayor because they’re gay somehow ok? Isn’t that exactly the same as wanting a Puyallup mayor just because they’re native American? Or wanting a woman mayor because one of her chromosomes has an extra leg? The job of mayor needs to go tot he most qualified. If they happen to be a gay Puyallup or whatever, then no biggie. It doesn’t matter who or what you are as long as you are the best for the job.
And as for morality.
There IS NO absolute right and wrong. This world is nothing but gray, no black and no white. It’s all relative. Some people say having a midget lesbian orgy is immoral. Why? What consenting adults (midget or not) do in the privacy of their own home is none of my business to declare moral or not. Base calling things right or wrong on the context. Is it wrong to shoot RR randomly as he walks down 38th street? Of course it is. Is it wrong to shoot RR if he attacks you with a katakana? Nope. Is it wrong to steal $50 Billion? You bet. Is it wrong to steal smokes? You bet. Is it wrong to steal frozen burritos to feed your homeless family? I don’t think it is. Is it wrong to hire a man to clean your yard at a wage too low to feed his kids? Absolutely. Is it wrong to pay him less than he wants but an amount that can feed said family? Nope. Is it wrong to download a cracked XP CD off of the pirate bay? Yep, it’s stealing. Is it wrong to download a replacement CD for the XP license you already paid for and will be using? Nope, you already paid for the license.
Is it wrong to vote for a man just because he’s gay? I’d say yes, because you’re completely judging him off of that one quality. Maybe he is a great leader who will help the community… that doesn’t matter though, you only voted for him because he was gay and not because of his ability. It’s equally wrong to not vote for him just because he’s gay… again, you’re judging the man’s lifestyle and not the man’s integrity, character and ability.
Remember:
Legality ≠ Morality
R RR Anderson April 10, 2009
from my perspective it would be wrong to shoot RR ESPECIALLY if he was attacking you with a katana. If RR was attacking you with a katana it is because free-market forces have dictated he attack you with a katana, an thus your experience is mandated by the righteous forces of the universe. Whatismore It is not our place to question the invisible hand of CLAW.
M moriss cobraman April 10, 2009
you cant shoot people who attack you with katanas. you can only defend yourself with a katana, duh. where is your HONOR?
also. it seems to me that blue’s number one reason for wanting a gay mayor is because he wants a specific person to be mayor, who just so happens to be gay.
M Mofo from the Hood April 10, 2009
From the writings that I’ve read by Mr. Blue, he tends to view most everything as a fashion statement. Like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…”
In Iran the government hangs homosexuals in public.
Muslims view homosexuals as a group that destabilizes civilization. If homosexuals were to gain any political position then that would allow them to determine social policy; that would pose a serious threat to religious liberty.
Religious institutions could be forced by law to recognize a protected status that is in opposition to their belief system. Muslim religious orders and universities would have to conform to legally mandated admissions practices, hiring practices and housing practices or risk heavy monetary fines.
Muslims might have to recognize same-sex marriage by force of law or risk monetary fines or incarceration because of perceived discrimination.
The Sword of Islam doesn’t recognize Mr. Blue’s preferences other than as a way to promote confusion, frustration, and conflict.
It’s interesting to watch the development of an increasingly secularized Western society. As the once dominant Christian worldview and accountability to the Bible has diminished, the new secular-humanism, relativistic order has created a crisis in faith, a religious and moral absolutes void. And in recent years that void in Western society has been filling with the ranks of Muslims.
M Maria April 10, 2009
“There IS NO absolute right and wrong.” — Thorax O’Tool
You do realize, you are actually asserting in your statement that something is right, and something is wrong?
I agree, though, that candidates shouldn’t be chosen (or rejected) on the basis of race, religion, etc. But then again, DB is speaking somewhat tongue-in-cheek here, n’est-ce pas?
Anyway, if this is the place to state preferential politics, then I’d like to suggest a Korean mayor. Kimchi, kalbi, cheap/fast/widespread broadband, quality cell phone cameras, math geniuses, speed skaters…we have a lot to offer.
And what city wouldn’t benefit from a little more Seoul?
S Steven April 10, 2009
Wow, MOFO, you seem to imply two things @15.
One, all Muslims have exactly the same view of homosexuals. While I haven’t done a survey of Muslims views, I’m pretty sure that is not the case.
Two, you also seem to imply that Christianity is more tolerant of homosexuality than Islam. While there may be a greater percentage of Christians who are not violent toward gays, it is certainly not true for all Christians.
I expect that any Christian/Muslim difference in violence toward gays is more cultural than ideological. Indeed, it is the secularization of Western society that has demonized such violence.
Steven
C crenshaw sepulveda April 10, 2009
Maria, Paldo World in downtown Tacoma. Bring on the Korean mayoral candidate.
M Mofo from the Hood April 11, 2009
Steven@17:
The Muslim guidebook is the Koran.
The Christian guidebook is the Bible.
Each guidebook plainly explains what civilization should look like.
The Koran and the Bible do not prescribe the same kind of civilization.
And as for modern “guidebooks,” the “Book of Totalitarianism” also favors the heterosexual union, the family as the procreator of children who will strengthen the regime.
The secular-humanist guidebook, the “Culture of Death” favors homosexual unions.
Homosexuality in relationship to government and citizenship is a contemporary issue only in the sense that each generation has to deal with it.
Why is it that each successive generation of skeptics and cynics thinks that they are going to prove what previous generations have not succeeded in proving?
Mr. Blue’s fashion world fantasy is just that–an obsolete fantasy.
T Thorax O'Tool April 11, 2009
No offense intended but…
Most uninspired topic. Ever.
D David Koch April 11, 2009
Societies have a knack for ways to survive. This means its members must get along with each other well enough to not die out, creating social guidelines for survival unique to that culture. Historically, some saw these guidelines as an innate part of the human experience and some as dictated from a god also used to explain existence itself. These guidelines were generally integrated into a religion’s, ruler’s, or ruling class’ dogma and morphed into moral right and wrong. These social religious morals have been documented in religious texts like the Bible and the Koran. In many ways, they also appear in intellectual texts of philosophers and intellectuals.
The authoritarian dogma is required for rulers controlling a people or for people controlling their world-view. However, the dogma is NOT required for people to know of or follow a society’s established social guidelines. Not having religious morals doesn’t mean a person follows a “Culture of Death” guidebook as Mofo seems to think.
Our society’s guidebook to co-existence exists regardless of your religious or non-religious beliefs. It is a natural part of a democracy to shed dogma that is no longer compatible with an evolving social guideline since there is no ruler to command of the moral dogma. The idea is that we are free to choose whichever religion or non-religion, whichever ideology, whichever world-view we want as free and equal citizens.
We can only guarantee our own freedom by protecting everyone’s equal freedoms no matter what. We cannot guarantee everyone’s freedom if only certain citizens are allowed to partake in our system at the exclusion of others. That is why many believe that people who are attracted to the same sex should be treated with equal respect.
As far as the premise of Mr. Blue’s piece goes… I don’t think someone should be elected based on anything other than the policies and their likelihood to achieve those policies. However, I don’t think he was seriously advocating otherwise.
How serious is THAT for a Friday night?
I should be off work soon!
T TCP April 11, 2009
Daniel I appreciate you coming out on this venue and I will whole heartedly support you as you run for mayor! It takes a man with huge strength to use this form of media to publicly annouce your gender preference. Well done sir.
K Kim Burgess April 11, 2009
Daniel just wishes he was gay.
It would make him so much more fasionable.
M Mofo from the Hood April 11, 2009
Mr. Koch @21, do you work as an assistant editor for Wikipedia?
M Mofo from the Hood April 12, 2009
Mr. Koch @21:
In your anti-intellectual mindless utopia where all things are equal, where decisions are based on feelings or preferences, where there are no absolutes but absolute chaos—-Would you say that the necessity for your “evolving social guideline[s]” is philosophic, cultural, or ethical?
A altered Chords April 13, 2009
Gay jewish mayor. Great delis and a better looking city.
V Vanilla Soul April 13, 2009
What disturbs me about the common strand of all of this commentary and response is how much gayness is made into an abstraction instead of the flesh and blood friends who are so much a part of my circle of friends and associates.
What seems to be emerging from this is the sense that gayness is a “debate topic” rather than a state of being. And secondly, I think the risks of being “out” continue to be real both professionally and personally. It takes courage to be out both in the sense of physical safety and also regarding consequences for life and career.
If a gay candidate ran, for any office, I would try to look at their entire social and political identity and figure, like all of us, he brings the whole package to the table.
While RR probably brought up the question about a Lesbian candiate to stir the pot, I find it interesting that these questions naturally polarize groups and sew a little extra dissension and chaos. It is not, should ever be, gays vs lesbians or straights vs. gays, etc. It’s not one or the other and when someone puts bring that up—question why.
So here it is—gay men taking the turn off to Exit 133. What will they find “in town”. Hostility? Their lives trivialized? Made into abstract heroes or villians. Or can we create a truly welcoming space in this town and in our section of cyberspace as well?
For now, I can say my livingroom and office is safe space. We have a ways to go before we can say the same about the rest of the city.
Luke
T Thorax O'Tool April 14, 2009
I just never understand why people make such a huuuuge deal about gayness or (insert prejudice here). It isn’t some sort of “big deal” because it isn’t some big deal after all.
Really, we’re all people. We have the same DNA, the same feelings, thoughts, emotions, everything. I’m convinced the Human Race will be held back for generations more until we finally unlearn this bad habit of ostracizing those who don’t fall under the social/political/religious/fiscal “norm”.
Can anyone really tell me why one’s gender or color or orientation matter so damn much? I’ll tell you now, I do not believe a “good reason” can ever be found because there simply isn’t one.
I hope I get to live to see a day when it just plain doesn’t matter if a dude is gay. Seriously, let’s all just grow up for once.
D David Koch April 14, 2009
OMGROFL@RR!
T Thorax O'Tool April 14, 2009
Ahhh yes, the Perry Bible Fellowship. It’s too bad Nick Gurewitch put it on hiatus. One of the most randomly awesome comics I’ve ever seen.
R Rus Batten April 16, 2009
Wait… Benjii Bittle is gay?