Making A List
I’ve never been a big fan of gift giving. It’s a lot of pressure. I’m uncomfortable accepting gifts and I don’t like the obligation I feel to give them. I much prefer to give things to people as I come across them throughout the year, not on prescribed holidays. And I prefer to give what I want to give because I want to give it, not because I’m told to give it.
Often there is an expectation to just give something, but I can’t resolve to give something that doesn’t have meaning. And I don’t like to give things that someone could have just bought themselves. That’s not a gift, that’s a favor. For me, without some meaning behind a gift, the giving is a shallow exercise in responsibility. The best gifts are able to capture something unique about the relationship between giver and receiver; they create a union between creativity and intention, somehow holding the promise of a new start while expressing an appreciation for the blessings of the past. One year my brother-in-law started making sugar skulls. He and my sister had moved to Arizona in the Spring and he was practicing for Day of the Dead. So for my summer birthday that year I got a large box in the mail packed ever so carefully to hold this 1-inch creation. I stood in my kitchen, shaking my head and smiling, admiring the craft of it and the dedication to ensuring its safe arrival. It was a turning point in my relationship with him; he wasn’t just the man my sister was married to, he was my brother. He had given me a gift.
This year I’m finding it to be particularly important to remain conscious about gift giving. Many of us have lost jobs, have lost homes, have lost retirement investments. Even if you count yourself as one of those whose basic needs are met, this is still going to be a tough holiday season. But it presents a great opportunity to redefine extravagance and find meaning in your gift giving by discovering what you really want. Things like, I want little girls in Pakistan to have the opportunity for education, or, I want my family to slow down and enjoy the snow, or, I want anyone who is on the street in this cold to have shelter and food. Making a list of what you want, as opposed to what you think you need, starts a new conversation this time of year. You have the power to ask for and give the gifts that will impact the lives of the people around you, in ways that will be felt long after the wrapping paper and ribbons are scooped off the living room floor. Find creative ways to give gifts of hope and respect, admiration and peace. And as you continue with your holiday shopping, factor in the things you can do for the individuals outside of your immediate circle of friends and family, gifts that honor Tacoma and the people who live here.
Filed under: KCB, General
6 comments
L Laurie across the street December 18, 2008
Wow. That is one of the nicest writings on gift giving I have ever read. I’m sending it to my whole family. Thank you for sharing it.
S Sandy December 18, 2008
Very nice! Who doesn’t love a gift from the heart? Every day holds an opportunity to give; don’t ever judge too harshly the value of your offering!
A wise gentleman I know has stated that he’d like engraved on his tombstone, “He died empty*” (*not the “sad” kind of empty, just the “held nothing back” kind). I like that.
S Squid December 19, 2008
I like giving gifts as well, but have had a few occaisons where it has just not worked out the way I thought. Like last year, there was this guy I saw every day at the neighborhood Starbucks. He really likes my dog and every day stopped to pet him and give the boy some love. So I bought him a $25 coffee card and had the staff give it to him with instructions to say it was from the dog. Rather than being touched, he was offended that I thought he needed charity and felt uncomfortable accepting it.
Then there was that gift for my wife which REALLY didn’t work out like I hoped. But this is a family-oriented message board…
D Davest December 19, 2008
Kristen, you summed up my feelings on gift giving perfectly. My family has always had the practice that you don’t have to wait for a Hallmark Certified event to give a gift. You also don’t need to feel pressured to give just because the calendar says you must. This leads to a much more enjoyable experience and de-emphasizes a lot of the entitlement that I feel the commercial holidays impart on everyone.
Thank you
G Growing People December 20, 2008
Thank you for sharing your gift. A gift that can’t been seen but felt. A gift that can only be experienced. A gift not like many. A gift like all those that are remembered, priceless.
As we all are forced to slow down at this time and especially now in our weather. We can maybe grab that item we do not use and re-gift, its okay someone can use it, maybe sell it to someone who wants to pay and give the money to a good cause, maybe even the Greater Tacoma Community Foundation. Special place are that because of the people who are within the walls pushing outward.
Thank you Kristen for allowing me to remember what gifst are about. The action, the force of which guides us to give. The reaction the realization that (from the recipient )you are of worth, thought of and there isn’t any reason why except you are loved and thought of.
Peace to all
Blankets, Socks, and travel size toiletries are great gifts for those who do need it now.
A amy December 22, 2008
Thanks, that was beautifully said. It is a great challenge to convey this sort of message to relatives who want to shower grandchildren with toys that are destined for the landfill.