Naming the Streetcars

The deadlock between the City and Sound Transit is over! After posturing and negotiating by both sides a compromise has finally been reached.

For its part, the City has granted the right to Sound Transit to cross Pacific in whatever way it sees fit.

In exchange, Sound Transit will help Tacoma build its first 6 miles of streetcars.

“It’s not a perfect deal,” said City Manager Eric Anderson, “but we just can’t turn our noses up at 6 miles of streetcars.”

Streetcar Advocate Morgan Alexander was equally excited. “Streetcars are going to connect Tacoma in new and important ways. When we get the Tacoma Wheels On Rails Express up and running, people are going to be really impressed.”

Wait. The what?

““The Tacoma WHeels-On-Rails Express. It’s what we’re going to call the streetcar because it will have … you know, wheels riding on … rails. And it will be quick. I don’t see what the problem is, it’s a very self-explanatory name.”

But we’re going to call our streetcar system the Tacoma WHORE!

City Manager Eric Anderson confirmed the name. “Seattle built the SLUT [South Lake Union Trolley]. Some people think it was accidental—that they didn’t catch the acronym before they named it. But that’s dumb. How could they have missed it?

“Clearly they were trying to out-gritty their gritty neighbor to the South. We’ll, we’re not going to give them the chance. If they have a SLUT, well then, we have a … ah … a … well, you know…”

Don’t you think there’s a problem if you can’t say the name of the streetcar line out loud?

“Well, it’s better than the first name we came up with.”

And what was that?

“The Best In Tacoma Carriage (Horseless)”

That’s a stupid name.

“Exactly. And that’s why you’ll be riding the Tacoma WHORE.”