January 5, 2007 ·

New Tacoma Neighborhood Hits a Bullseye

Tacoma’s 12 neighborhood business districts are about to become a baker’s dozen. The cluster of stores around Target, Office Depot, and Top Foods in central Tacoma have joined together as Tacoma’s newest business district, said a Target spokesperson Thursday.

“We believe that the Target superstore, in combination with other fine retailers in our area, form an ideal business district,” said Store Manager Clifton Raleigh.

According to City of Tacoma documents, the newest Tacoma neighborhood is defined as being bounded by 23rd Street on the north, Pine on the east, I-5 on the south, and Union Ave on the west. In other words: the Target parking lot. It will be officially called the Target Business District.

“Look around at the other neighborhoods,” said Raleigh. “We have them all easily beat. How many neighborhoods have so many stores that people actually want to shop at? Not only that, but we have a movie theater, grocery store, a couple of restaurants and a coffee bar. We’re the best neighborhood in Tacoma.”

A review of filings at the City reveal that Target first attempted to register a business district entirely within the confines of their store, but were rebuffed by city administrators who said that a neighborhood should have at least some natural light in it. A few months later Target reapplied with a slightly broader scope by covering the entire parking lot and the City could find no justification to reject their request.

Jamie Paulson, editor of ThriceAllamerican.com and Central Tacoma resident tried to put a good spin on the new neighborhood. “I recognize that the Business District program was not established to cover big box retailers, but after reviewing the facts, it seems pretty clear that the Target Business District is Tacoma’s best neighborhood. It’s certainly better than that wimpy Proctor District.”

Merchants in current neighborhood business districts were upset that Target had been gotten the designation. One merchant, speaking on conditions of anonymity said, “It’s not fair that bigger retailers should qualify. I located my store in the ________ District because I value community. I wanted to be able to keep random hours and offer products at absurd prices and scowl at customers who don’t buy anything, all with a Draconian return policy. That’s why people come to this district to shop; the experience.”

As early as Friday morning it was clear that other retailers in major shopping centers and strip malls had taken a cue from Target’s success. City phones were abuzz with calls from James Center, Westgate, and the Borders on 38th Street. “I think we’re seeing a blossoming in our neighborhoods,” said Paulson. “This just goes to show what a livable community Tacoma really is.”

Disclaimer: We may occasionally stretch the truth or make things up on Fridays… but only when there’s a disclaimer. Everything else is absolutely true. Trust us.

2 comments

  • Kathy Sutalo December 13, 2008

    Thank you Daniel, that was beautiful.

  • Thorax O'Tool December 14, 2008

    The Point has another, almost mystical ability, and I joke you not, time travel.
    Take a walk through there, and it’s like you’re in a simpler time without deflation, job loss and wars. Things are peaceful; the birds and trees go on as they always have simply because our human problems, the stuff we worry ourselves into the grave for, all doesn’t matter.

    —-
    But the holy grounds of the park are even more powerful than that. This story is 100% true:

    About 6 years ago, I worked for Metro Parks. I was up at the Point during that winter when we got that dump of snow.
    I was over by Ft Nisqually, headed back to the truck. I was alone in the park, no cars nothing… just silence. I walked in that meadow on the north side of the fort, and a doe and her faun were off on the other side, looking for grass through the snow. I looked over to my right, and a thin curl of gray smoke was coming out of the chimney on one of the buildings in that fort.
    For that moment in time, I swear I was back in 1850.