July 13, 2007 ·

The DOT Requests More Transponders (transcript)

According to The News Tribune, more than twice as many transponders have been sold than the Washington State Department of Transportation anticipated. The DOT has had to contact their vendor, TransCore, to order more transponders.

WashDOT: Uh, yes … hi, this is Greg Selstead, Director of Tolling Operations for the Washington State DOT … no, no rain this week, it’s actually been quite nice. … Uh, huh. … Well New York actually gets more than we do. …

Listen, the reason I’m calling is to order more transponders for the bridge we’re building out here, can you patch me through to Sue Ellen in Customer Service? … Oh, well I’m sorry to hear that. … Sure, Mitch will be fine.

Yes, Mitch? Hi, Greg Selstead here with the DOT in Washington State. … No, clear skies, actually. We do get a summer here too, you know. … Right.

Well, I’m calling about getting more transponders for the Narrows. … The Narrows Bridge. … No, we’ve rebuilt it. … Twice now.

Well, we’re going to be tolling there next week and we’re running low on transponders. Demand has been unexpectedly high. Oh, um … let me find it.

[sound of rustling paper]

GREG: We’ve been using Model … TF114 Dash B. … Oh. I see. Sue Ellen said you would have more than enough to cover us even if demand ran high. … Well, I don’t care who she defrauded, we need transponders! …

All right. I understand. I’m sorry I lost my temper. … Uh huh … Well what does the Dash C model do that’s so different? …

Well, we are really just interested in collecting tolls for the bridge, we don’t really need to track them on our other freeways. … Oh, well that’s a different story. What else comes standard with the new model?

Built in breathalyzers? Is that legal? … hmm, no, we’re Point 08 here. … uh huh … hmm … is Bluetooth really nece — mmm … all XM stations? Wow … And that integrates with … interesting …

Listen, that sounds great and all, but, we don’t need to know the number of passengers. Well sure, statistics are always good. We love statistics but … wait, how does it know how many are in the car anyway? … I see … the same way it knows what’s in their wallets. …

Ha! Sounds like all it’s missing is cruise control. … No, I’m not interested in learning more about the Dash M model.

I’m just curious now, what exactly would one of these things cost? … Right. You see, we’ve been giving them away, so $129.99 is going to sound expensive to some people.

We just need an easy way for commuters to cross the bridge without waiting in line. No special features, no bells and whistles, and no frills or gimmicks! Do you have that? …

… All right, I’ll bite … what’s the special new feature? … It charges California drivers double?

We’ll take it!

Disclaimer: We may occasionally stretch the truth or make things up on Fridays… but only when there’s a disclaimer. Everything else is absolutely true. Trust us.

2 comments

  • Mofo from the Hood April 1, 2008

    Better that people think you’re an April Fool,

    Than to open your mouth and prove it.

  • Mofo from the Hood April 3, 2008

    I think that I shall never see,

    A poem as lovely as photography.