Yes, Natasha, there is a Tacoma Gnome
In yesterday’s Weekly Volcano Natasha G. set out to unmask the TacomaGnome. She has asked a lot of people if they are the Tacoma Gnome. So much that she even asked us.
This is the letter she sent to Exit133:
Dear Exit133,
Some of my little friends say that you are behind the Tacoma Gnome. Papa says, ‘If they tell you they are the Gnome than it is so.’ Please tell me the truth; are you the Tacoma Gnome?
Natasha G.
Here is our reply:
Yes, Virginia Natasha, there is a Tacoma Gnome. And we are that Gnome. Erik Hanberg is the Tacoma Gnome. Sweet pea is the Tacoma Gnome. Tacoma Chickadee is the Tacoma Gnome. You, Natasha, are the Tacoma Gnome.
Because, Natasha, the Tacoma Gnome exists in all of us as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.
Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Tacoma Gnome. It would be as dreary as if there were no Natashas.
Do you desire any more than that, Natasha? Will you keep sleuthing until you find the Gnome’s photographer and his biographer? You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but then what you would be left with? Nothing but a broken rattle.
Unmask the Tacoma Gnome? You may as well unmask Santa Claus! And then you’ll lose all the joy and wonder that comes with living in Tacoma, a town full of magic and mystery. Unmask the Tacoma Gnome, and then what? Will you reveal where Tacoma stores its Grit? Or which star the Museum of Glass cone points toward on the night of the winter solstice? Or at which coffee shop the Virgin Mary keeps appearing in hazelnut lattes?
Nay, Natasha, these are the mysteries of Tacoma that should not be revealed. The Tacoma Gnome is in all of us. And let us all rest happily in that knowledge.
Sincerely,
Exit133
(With thanks to the famous New York Sun editorial from which we have lifted heavily.)
Filed under: Satire-and-Spoof
21 comments
D drizell November 30, 2007
Did they even have a Santa for little Natascha growing up in the Soviet Union? Just curious…
E elle November 30, 2007
and yet, she’s yet to show up on my door step or in my inbox.
M Mofo from the Hood November 30, 2007
Wow! Is it any wonder that some children grow up mistrusting adults?
Yes the Tacoma Gnome exists. Yes the Tacoma Gnome is a dummy. Yes there is a dummy within all of us.
Once one recognizes the distinction between the dummy and the dummymaker, then one can discard any notion that the dummy can become the dummymaker.
Of course instead, one could always become a New Age dummy, and then like Hinduism, say things like All is One.
V Vidiot November 30, 2007
I think there are others who want to know who he is too.
When the Tacoma Gnome stopped by Stadium Video he was followed by two men in long black trench coats driving a black SUV.
E elle November 30, 2007
and why does everyone assume that the gnome is photographed by a man? He’s owned by a woman.
D Droid16 November 30, 2007
What do you mean elle? I have read that he has relatives all over the world, and know that he has mentioned his mom and his sister on his blog, but I saw nothing about his being committed to anyone. If he is in fact “owned” by a woman, is she too a gnome. Perhaps that is part of their gnomish vows. Go ahead and travel the world, just know that I “own” you. Sounds a bit constricting to me.
“If you love a gnome, let it travel, if it comes back, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.”
D drizell November 30, 2007
I would agree that many of us—myself not included—are gnomes. It has to do with our ancestral lineage. There are tons of people here with Scandinavian blood. However, when I lived in Norway I never saw a single gnome. Maybe the Tacoma Gnome is being dishonest about his origins.
J Jenyum November 30, 2007
I myself am a hobbit, so you know it’s not me.
E elle November 30, 2007
Droid,
Perhaps I should have phrased that differently. TG currently resides at the house of a woman. Or rather it was a group of women that helped arrange his visit to the US.
T tacomagnome November 30, 2007
Thank you for a wonderful piece, editors of Exit133!
You do understand my mission.
Here’s to a happy holiday season, and more adventures throughout Tacoma!
-TG
B Bell Capt: December 1, 2007
Stay the coarse TGnome !
As 2008 dawns, continue to be sharing all the “COOL” this city has to offer. The BellCart rides remain FREE and the Savi ladies await you’re return !!
J James M December 1, 2007
I hereby move to select the gnome as UWT’s new honorary mascot—The University of Washington Tacoma Gnomes. Do you think Gnomes could play good basketball?
J Joel413 December 1, 2007
Hey!
Anyone with graphic skills want to make a T-shirt that Says, “I know who the Tacoma Gnome is, do you?”
Just so long as it doesn’t change into “Who shot TG?”
T tacomachickadee December 1, 2007
So awesome! Just about fell off my chair.
B Bell Capt: December 1, 2007
And the proceeds to the TGnome’s favorite charity ! Start the printer-game ON !How much can TG raise for a good cause at Holiday time ?
C carly December 1, 2007
I would love to make these t-shirts!!! E-mail me if you would like one, cover the costs, and we’re good. :)
J Jenny December 2, 2007
Beautiful…And where are the TG t-shirts? They’ve been promised to us for a long time…
K Kristin December 3, 2007
I just spotted the TG skiing down “Rasputin’s Revenge” in Ski Magazine Dec 2007 page 67: “Over 40,00 wishes Fullfilled Every Day.” He IS real. And busy. Bless his heart. :)
K Kristin December 3, 2007
Drizell:
I too lived in Norway. Are you thinking of trolls? Certainly their may be both, however my experience has been that they never show themselves to humans.
On the topic of Norway and relevant to housing issues: The New York Times had a front page piece today about Narvik (population 18,000) a northern town in Norway that unfortunately invested city money in American real estate securities. Their annual budget of $163 million suffered a quarter loss and municipal workers have gone without pay this last month. They will be forced to borrow money and pay it back by cutting education, senior programs and closing of a museum which hosts a magnitude of WWII information from Hitler’s first siege to control the northern Norwegian port. Norway was occupied by the Germans and my grandmother (mother, aunts and uncle) lived through it. My grandfather was a navy pilot who fought for the resistance and my great uncle died in a concentration camp. My grandmother tells stories of the Germans coming to inquire about my grandfather’s whereabouts . . .
The piece is harrowingly sad in that our subprime mortgage market has lead to financial hardship even in small town Narvik where a quarter of their budgeted funds are now gone.
No wonder the gnomes and the trolls stay away from us. :)
J joel413 December 3, 2007
an e-mail address to send to would be helpful
T tacomagnome December 3, 2007
Kristin,
Re: The gnome you mention on post 18
That is not me, I don’t really grant wishes, let alone 40,000 of them.
Plus, that gnome is a resin or plastic lawn ornament.
-TG